Joe the Philosopher

Joe Biden’s Brain

Gets Disconnected

Vice-President Biden, possibly competing for the Idiot of the Week Award, let it be known that everyone should stay outdoors until the swine flu passes.

Although he only mentioned

airplanes, subways, and outhouses as places to avoid, he advised people to stay out of “confined spaces,” apparently forgetting that his own home, office space, laundry room, automobile, bedroom, garage, and numerous other rooms he uses were confined spaces. Mr. Biden almost sounded like he was looking for an excuse to go golfing.

When it was pointed out to Mr. Biden that he had advised everyone to work and sleep outdoors, he quickly realized that his advice was moronic. Then Mr. Biden smashed an empty beer can on his forehead, just to make some kind of point.

The President called him later and advised him to lay off the Irish whiskey he so much loves. The President tried to put the best face he could on Biden’s buffoonishness by saying “ just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re smart.” The President also reminded the public that Biden has a history of making moronic remarks, so no one should take him seriously. The President reluctantly admitted that the Cabinet uses Joe for comic relief when things get slow or boring.

Yesterday, Rep. Steve King (R-IA) took to the House floor for an hour-long speech consisting of tired denunciations of Obama shaking hands with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and more hysterical complaints about how new hate crime legislation protects gays. During his tirade, King decided to direct part of his vitriol at the Congressional Black Caucus and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, calling both organizations “separatist groups.”

From Think Progress

Retardation is suspected as the primary explanation for Rep. King’s dim-witted speech. His friends call him “Ding-A-Ling.”

Often referred to as “the dullest tool in the Republican shed,” Representative King admitted that his speech was long because he couldn’t remember where the bathroom was.

Although mental health officials were alerted shortly after Mr. King took office, they have been unable to act because of laws protecting free speech. “Otherwise, we would have waterboarded Mr. King by now,” said one doctor who insisted on remaining anonymous.

Soon after Mr. King began to speak, everyone (but the staff) left the room so no one was affected by the nonsense. An official auditor asked Mr. King if he had ever heard the story about a tree falling in the forest? “If no one’s there to see or hear it, did it actually happen?” Mr. King admitted that he’s still asking himself that question.

A fresh-faced congressional page asked Rep. King if he was living in an alternate universe. “It was then that I thought about going to the restroom,” said Ding-A-Ling, “but I couldn’t remember where it was. So I talked for another half-hour, not really knowing what I was saying, but really being irritated by the smart-ass remarks.”

Idiot Of The Week

by Joe the Philosopher