PSYCHO 101
(An online course available for college credit)
Syllabus
PSYCHO 101
I hope the Arabs nuke Cleveland or otherwise I’m going to look like a complete jackass.
Rupert Murdoch is the biggest SOB who ever lived. I’m proud to work for him.
Someone stole my banana.
Psycho? I can teach it.
People watch me because they’re as crazy as I am.
Here’s JOHNNY!
I’ll shoot anyone who calls me a nut-job.
I’ve never been the same since I was abducted by a flying saucer.
I’ve been called “The Happy Jew” ever since I was a kid.
This is not a mask.
You wanna talk drugs? I’ll talk drugs. Are you recording this?
The only man to survive six suicide missions.
I love working in a roadside motel. There are so many exciting things to do.
Guest Speakers
I am not a psycho.
The most popular girl in high school.
“Smiling Tom“ said no jail could hold him.
Sometimes it helps to make people think you’re crazy.
I got my name from cream de mint liquore.
Recipient of the “2009 Grave Diggers Award of the Year.”
Pals
I’m proud to say I have 200 proof whiskey running through my veins.
I’ve discovered that Americans love genuine crackpots.
I think of myself as the corn-on-the-cob representative.
You win some, you lose some. You win some, you lose some. You win some, you lose some.
For years I thought I was a Rabbi. Now I know I’m not.
As a Zionist, I have a right to be crazy.
When I was a Boy Scout, I used to help old ladies cross the street.
I’ve memorized over twelve thousand Holocaust films.
Then one day I got real lucky and got a job as a cab driver.
I’ll never forgive the Mexicans for giving me Montezuma’s Revenge.
This is a huge syllabus. Please be patient while the instructor adds more. Serious students can prepare for class by researching “Republicans,” “Zionists,” and “Disgraced CIA Agents.”